Scripture: Ephesians 4:25-31
Importance of our Speech
When it comes to communication, there are generally two kinds of people: those that love to argue and debate and those who avoid confrontation at all costs. How many arguers or sharks are there? How many quiet clams are there? Which one is more loving and more biblical? Neither!
Communication is the process of sharing or transmitting information so that that it is received and understood. Saying your piece or getting something off your chest may not be communicating. You said it, but did the other person hear and understand it? Mumbling under your breath is not communicating.
- Hebrews 1:1-2
- Matthew 12:33-37
- Proverbs 18:21
- Psalm 141:3
Four Rules of Biblical Communication
- Be Honest
- Keep Current
- Attack Problem not Person
- Act! Don’t React
Keep Current (vv. 26-27)
Righteous or unrighteous anger?
Psalm 37:8; Proverbs 29:22
We say what we say, we do what we do, and we want what we want because we love what we love.
Questions to ask yourself first:
1 Is my heart attitude right?
2 Do I have the facts right?
3 Should love cover this?
4 Is it the right time?
5 Are my words loving?
6 Have I prayed about it?
7 Should I get counsel from someone else first?
Attack Problem not Person (vv. 29-30)
Don’t attack the person with your words
Matt 5:21-22; James 5; Prov 16:27-28; Matt 7
Don’t blame-shift!
I need to see my own sin first. See my sin as worse. And see my sin as the thing I need to be working on most.
– Brad Bigney (Pastor, Counselor, Author)
Plan of Attack
1 Start with your heart
2 What are my motives?
3 Thinking right
4 Biblical terminology
5 Modeling grace
Act! Don’t React (vv. 31-32)
Don’t respond to anger with anger; foolishness with foolishness; yelling with yelling…
Prov 15:1; Prov 26:4
Acting with Grace
1 Peter 3:21-24
Work Don’t Steal
Be Kind
Have a Tender Heart
Forgive as God forgave you
So how do we go from reacting to acting? It starts in the heart. We pray for a tender heart that sees people the way God does. Then we choose to be kind and to forgive instead of getting angry and getting even.
Take Aways
Do you keep current in your conversations and refuse to drag up the past over and over?
Do you often resort to name calling or verbal attacks instead of discussing things in a helpful way?
Are you an actor or a reactor? Where do you need to work on self-control?
Are you trying to suppress your words and anger or are you doing the hard work of changing your heart with the Holy Spirit’s power?
Which of the four rules do you struggle with most and who do you need to ask for forgiveness?
If you’ve never repented of your sin and trusted Jesus Christ as Savior – that’s the starting point. All of these biblical communication guides are so much harder when you have not become a new creation in Christ.
